Painful relationships and abusive relationships are toxic relationships. These relationships can come in the form of a love partner, parents, siblings and other family members, work colleagues, or friends.
We all want to be loved and to have someone to love, but many times relationships can go awry. Why? We attract into our lives those people and situations that reflect our beliefs about our self worth and self esteem. As Dr. Phil often says, "you teach people how to treat you".
In the midst of the chaos, confusion and self-doubt generated in abusive and toxic relationships, we can enquire of ourselves such questions as, "what lesson is this person bringing to me about my being?", "who is the teacher?", "who is the student?", "what is my role in all this?"
The Invisible Wheelchair
by HaliJo Webster
The ugly man's shadow
appeared at my door again this evening.
His cool calm exterior on the front porch
could pass for the illusion of whom I wished I had married.
Once inside the safety of his torture chamber,
a twisted face appears with a drawn-out shade of grey hue,
Jeckyl turns to Hyde,
my legs turn to rubber.
But, not like those of a lover who
can't wait to bed her partner,
rather,
just stuck to the floor,
no movement,
no emotion.
Another encore,
he brings the glowering home
to this space, our environment,
where the roof overhead and square walls
hold secrets of insanity.
I want to be numb.
I have become senseless,
after all, to have sense,
one would leave?
I wish to be outside of my being,
I feel ugly, inperceivable and small,
there is no vacancy smile for this face,
only a mirror of darkness.
Visualizing the invasion
of ugly man's projection,
I can feel an attack on my wellbeing,
ripping away at me one cell at a time.
Daily I shrink,
my frame becomes mousey,
slightly tilted forward in shame,
hiding my womanly structure.
There is no pride here.
Dead-end and paralyzed,
conscious of this lunacy
that mocks my exsistence.
Wasted, but not high,
who will carry this burden?
I have seen other Women
get blamed for crying out!
Beaten bloody victims,
it MUST be their fault,
they MUST have done something to
deserve it!
Why don't they just leave?
What's emotional abuse?
You must be crazy or something!
This youth-filled mind, body and spirit is slowing,
retarding to an older age,
splinters under skin pierce traces of vibrancy.
A demon has stolen ugly man's soul.
I feel as if I had a clinical stroke.
Shortness of breath,
no motor skills
or mindful play,
no intellegent nourishment,
only
anger,
chaos,
toxins,
confusion,
stone walls,
passive aggression,
negative vibration.
Someone SMACK me stupid
so i will NOT know any better!
I feel crippled
in an invisible wheelchair,
the result of ugly man's
wrath on the world.
© HaliJo Webster, Jan 2008
Change
by HaliJo Webster
So
You have chosen to
dislike
the changes in me,
the bounderies for which I have set.
You run from where I sit
in truth,
where I graze,
hunt,
gather,
and excrete.
Good
because now
I am free!
© HaliJo Webster, 2008
Comment:
As painful as a bad love relationship can be, there is an opportunity to heal emotionally and to gain wisdom from your painful experiences - by doing constant self-enquiry, and by remaining open with each other and with our selves, without defenses, and by communicating and by listening.
It all boils down to loving the self - and as we learn to love ourselves more and treat ourselves with respect, we then invite those people and situations into our lives that reflect your new-found sense of self worth and self esteem. So.... love yourself!